Friday, March 28, 2014

Let's Kill Jessica - Scene 17 - Is this a sex thing?

JENNIFER and JESSICA stumble on to stage.  Both are drunk.

JESSICA    Oh my god.  You have an amazing apartment.

JENNIFER   I know. I love this place.

JESSICA    It’s like how I imagined living in San Francisco. It’s like out of a movie or TV show. If you ever move -

JENNIFER   I’ll never move.

JESSICA    Let me know -

JENNIFER   I’ll never move.

JESSICA    Because I’ll take this place -

JENNIFER   I’ll burn this place down before I fucking let some other bitch have it. If I get married, I’m going to keep it as my own private apartment for when I need to get away.

JESSICA    Oh God.  Me too. If I ever get married I’ll keep a little place.  Who needs to have a man crowding you, you know? God. They always get in the way.

JENNIFER   Sit down.

JESSICA    Ok. Where? Here?

JENNIFER   Sure. Yeah.  That’s fine.

                                JENNIFER exits.

JESSICA    Ok.  Hey. Thanks again.  I didn’t mean to stay out so late with you guys, but thanks for taking me out.  I’ve just been so stressed with my mom and everything. I just needed to shake it up, you know?  I just wish the BART didn’t stop running.  Do all of you live in The City? I like Walnut Creek. I really do, but it just doesn’t feel the same.  It’s not the adventure that you all seem to have.  The city life.  I want a different life. Can I have yours? Let’s just trade.  You can have the house, the mother, all her fucking birds.  “JESSICA!” “JESSICA!” They yell all fucking day! “JESSICA!” “JESSICA!” God! Morning night and day. “JESSICA!” Years of my mother yelling at me and giving me orders and demanding.  They all just scream it at me, you know? All in her voice.  “JESSICA!” “JESSICA!” “JESSICA!” Christ.  I want your life.  I want to come home to no one but myself.  Whoever I am.

JENNIFER enters with ropes and duct tape.

JENNIFER   What the fuck are you yelling about?

JESSICA    I want your life.

JENNIFER   Fuck you. 

                                JESSICA laughs.

JESSICA    Oh god.  We are so drunk.

JENNIFER   I know.  I was supposed to pace myself, but it’s kind of like taking someone home to have sex with them for the first time.  You just don’t know what’s going to happen and you’re not really sure if you want to be there for it or not. 

JESSICA    I’ve never done that.

JENNIFER   I know. 

JESSICA    How do you know?

JENNIFER   I can just tell.


JENNIFER   Because you think it’s hard.

JESSICA    What’s hard?

JENNIFER   Finding someone to have sex with.

JESSICA    It is hard.

JENNIFER   No.  It isn’t.  And that’s what I mean.  Now, hold still.

JESSICA    What are you doing?

JENNIFER   Tying you to the chair.

JESSICA    Why? 

JENNIFER   Because if I try and gag you first you’ll run away or fight me.

JESSICA    Is this a sex thing?

JENNIFER   Do you want to have sex with me?

JESSICA    No. I mean. I don’t know.  I’ve thought about it.

JENNIFER   You’ve thought about having sex with me?

JESSICA    No. I mean. I don’t know. I mean. Doesn’t everyone think of having sex with someone they work with?

JENNIFER   Try and move your arms.

JESSICA    I can’t.


JESSICA    Is this a sex thing?



                                End of scene.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Claire Rice's Enemy's List - The List

For a year I wrote for San Francisco Theater Pub, a blog that focuses on the experiences of independent theatre artists.  Most of the writers are based in San Francisco, though there are bloggers from all around. It was really fun writing for TheaterPub.  It has been a unique challenge.

To subscribe to Theater Pub go to the site:

And, of course, read all the wonderful posts from all the amazing writers.

The Glass Gun
Thoughts about pretension in theatre.

Cool Cool Considerate Men
On being honest about disliking theatre.

Bloviating (An Interview with Dave Lankford)
What happens when what you write becomes unexpectedly viral.

Rape the Play
What I wrote after watching one too many women being raped on stage.

Why Are You Hitting Yourself?
Why indeed.

Money Talks and Bullshit Walks
Who's getting money from the NEA?

What Theatre Needs
A wish list for theatre.

Your Website Sucks
Why Actor's Equity's website sucks.

They Can't All Be Winners
Sooner or later I'll write the definitive piece on why it feels good to put other people down.

How to Fix Writer's Block
One day I'll write the definitive piece on why it feels good to put myself down.

588 If You're Lucky
On two artists who's performances are locked in my memory...and you probably didn't see what they did.

One is the Loneliest Number
When you are performing for just one and what that means.

I Have No Fucking Clue What I'm Doing
This could also be the name of my memoir, band and the house I plan on building. 

Revolutions Don't Start in Guilded Halls
I get really tired of hearing "Oh, it's in the Tenderloin?" 

Gone Fishing
That time I put in a placeholder. 

And Now a Note Without a Suicide
A director's note for RAT GIRL. 

Reviewers Suck
No sour grapes here.  Nope.  None at all. 

Four Things Theatre Bay Area Should Do
My "you're doing it wrong" blog post to a company that doesn't actually need me to tell them what to do.

Theatre Gets a Big Tax Break
I'm such a tease. 

When Theatre Goes Co-Op
Thunderbird Theatre investigates a new business model. 

Get the Fuck Off the Couch
There is theatre to see in the Bay Area.  Go See It!

The Adding Machine
September 19th all added up. 

Comedy of Personal Errors
This one doesn't have a story about me throwing up.  So, there is that.

By Any Other Name
My last Enemy's List Post