31 Plays in 31 Days - Mockumentary Story

Mockumentary Story

A small, ragtag camera crew are set up in a small cemetery on a gray and rainy day.  John has a kind face and holds out a microphone to Sofia who is dressed in a yellow slicker and yellow rain boots.

Sofia                Are you ready?

John                Yes, we’re ready.

Sofia                I don’t want to go unless you are ready.

John                We’re ready.

Sofia                Does my hair look all right?

John                It looks wonderful.

Sofia                Are you sure?  I don’t want to catch myself at a movie theatre looking like I’ve been through a blizzard.

John                Why don’t you tell us about where we’re standing?

Sofia                You know where we’re standing.

John                For the cameras.

Sofia                Oh, right.  Ok, well, sure.  Hi. Yes.  I’m Sofia.  Sofia Cappella.  And we’re standing the Cappella Pet Cemetery.  It’s been in the Cappella family for ten generations.  We have hundreds of thousands of beloved pets resting peacefully below our feet.  The families of Grey Weather Washington put their trust in us to be the last souls on this earth to care for their four legged…well we’ve got some birds in here too…so…winged and…oh there was Rasquel who only had one leg.  Poor little fella.  He was a gerbil that Tiger, the Ogwell’s cat had gotten to.  Tiger is in here too.  But we put them on opposite sides of the cemetery.  Some families get upset that we’ve segregated our cemetery, but I’m sorry, I just do not believe that cats and dogs can get along.  They are two different kinds.  Fish and birds don’t go together.  Spiders and lizards don’t go together.  It’s just the way of the world.  The way I see it, I do it to keep the peace.  And it doesn’t take much to walk across the cemetery to see whatever other pets a family might have.  Animals are usually small.  They don’t take up a lot of room, you know.  But people throw a fit anyway. 

John                What’s the weirdest animal you have ever buried?

Sofia                I am offended by the question.  All god’s creatures are loved in my eyes. There isn’t a weird one among them.

John                Ok, I’m sorry.  So, uhm, tell me, have you seen the movie Pet Cemetery? 

Sofia                No.  What’s it about?

                                                                        End of Play