31 Plays in 31 Days - Buddy Cop Comedy Story

Buddy Cop Comedy Story

Ethel, a small feisty woman in her seventies, and Doug, a young nerdy looking young man, sit in their police cruiser.  They are hidden by tall dark trees, eating hamburgers.

Ethel               She’s putting her hands down her bra so she can yank up her tits.  She’s pinching her cheeks to give’m a nice pink glow.  She’s rubbing her eyes to make it look like she’s been crying.  And then here I come looking like your grandmother in a Halloween costume.  She looks at me and says: “Is this some kind of joke?” and I say “If it is, you’ll probably get to hear the punch line in the drunk tank.  Let’s go!” 

Doug               Could chew in the other direction?

Ethel               You gotta get that stick outta your ass son.

Doug               I’m going to go get some air.

Ethel               And leave your partner? No sir.  We stick together while on duty.

Doug               I know the manual.  You’re just…not what I expected.

Ethel               Well, you ain’t what I expected either.

Doug               What were you expecting?

Ethel               Fabio.

Doug               Who is Fabio?

Ethel               A man who knows what to do with his gun.

Suddenly a car speeds past them.  Ethel turns on the lights and throws the car into gear.

Ethel               Hang on!

Doug               Wait!

Ethel               Don’t you tell me to wait!  I’ve got thirty years on you boy –

Doug               That car belonged to the Ropper gang.  I’m willing to bet you anything that car was a decoy. 

Doug points to the rearview where they see a big white sixteen wheeler come into view.

                                                                       

Doug               There. That’s truck’s gotta be full of drugs straight off the Ropper farm headed out.

Ethel               It’s my white whale.  I’ve been chasing that sixteen wheeler for a long time.  Let’s go Fabio.

                                                            End of Play.