I've been thinking a lot lately about writing, and it's translated to the actual act of writing now and again. Every day in fact. I think to myself as I'm in the bus "Man, I wish there were room to sit so I could write." It's true! I pull out my pad of paper before hitting the hay and I jot down a paragraph or a sentence or a word. No lie! Now and again I'm even able to find a whole hour or two when I'm doing nothing but writing. Not only that, but I'm not using my laptop, I'm hand writing most everything. The going is slow, but somehow I'm finding it a very exciting development to my everyday routine.
What am I writing you ask? Nothing I want to talk about. In fact, I'm pretty sure the title of it will be, if any of asks "Kindling" or maybe "To be destroyed" or "Not For Human Consumption" If there is a title for that picture of a baby face planting in a big bucket with a little bit of water at the bottom, something like "someone wasn't paying attention and this happened" or "don't let this happen to those you love" or "it looks more innocent then it actually is" or "ill advised course of action".
I'm trying to tell myself that it's alright, at least I'm writing, but that doesn't really seem to cut the grease. When I quit my job at state I decided I needed to remember I wasn't jobless, I had a job, and I was my own boss. This job had important and daily tasks, it required organization and fortitude. I was my own boss and I needed to prove to myself that I was worth bringing on board. What I should have done was put an ad on Craig's list instead of highering someone I'd grown up with. Turns out, I just can't trust myself.
I told myself to show up at work no later than 9am, which shouldn't be too hard because the office is a two second walk from the bedroom. I would even have allowed myself to eat breakfast at my desk! Hell, I didn't even have to get dressed if I didn't want to. Still, I'd roll in at 10 or 11 or even 1pm.
Me: And what about that research I assigned you to do?
Myself: Well, there was this Jane Austen movie on and I thought that since I'd written that one play about Jane Austen it was like research.
Me: Fine, just don't do it again. And did you proof those submission letters before you sent them out?
Myself: Well, they were due right away and I figured since you probably weren't going to get it anyway, what's the big deal right?
Me: Fine, fine. We'll higher our husband to do that next time, just don't leave it until the last minute. What about the act II problem? Are we any closer to a solution?
Myself: The what?
Me: The act II problem? She's got to make a connection with the runaway, but it all seems really forced. What are we going to do about it?
Myself: Oh, well, I thought you were taking care of that, so I just kind of left it. But I did start on a new play!
Me: Really? A new play? Well, OK great tell me about it.
Myself: Oh, I don't have anything ready yet...it's just an idea really.
Me: I thought you said you started? What exactly were you doing all day yesterday?
Myself: Oh, yesterday? What was that? Tuesday? Oh, yeah, I went to that internet cafe to write, but then I started working on the blog because I realized you needed some self promotion. When I was all done with that I was really tired, so I went home and took a nap. But on the walk home I put together the foundations for the opening scene. I think I'll have something on paper maybe over the weekend.
Me: But this weekend we've got the rehearsal for the play opening.
Myself: Oh, yeah, shit I forgot. Then maybe next weekend?
Me: Next weekend the grant is due. You know, the one we have to get so that I can afford to keep you around.
Myself: Oh...yeah...I guess I should get started on that.
Me: What! You haven't even started? With your poor spelling and grammar we need a professional to review it before we can send it off. There' s not going to be any time now!
Myself: Man, that's a bummer. But, cheer up man, we can totally just throw it together last minute.
Me: I'm beginning to feel like you aren't putting 100% into this.
Myself: Oh, yeah, speaking of which I need a $100.
Myself: I've been all couped up in here for days. I need to take myself out for a nice dinner and a shopping trip. I'm getting cabin fever with all this staying in and writing.
Me: But you haven't written anything yet!
Myself: I read, I watch movies, I think all the time. What more do you want from me? Anyways, it's not like you didn't know this about me when you hired me.
Myself: Come on. Don't feel bad. Hey, where's I? I thought you said she'd be at this meeting too?
Me: She was supposed to be signing us up for a gym membership, but I think she went out to go get us some frozen yogurts instead.
WANTED: One writer.